I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
