At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
