Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
