My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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