I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize