I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
