Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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