It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
