and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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