I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
