Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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