I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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