Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
