So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
