dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
