there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I didn't notice because vodka
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
