For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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