So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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