How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So vagazzling was a success
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
