I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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