my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
