i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
