As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
