Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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