Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
