I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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