I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
