I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
