He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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