Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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