this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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