im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
