first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
