dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
