i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
