do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
