im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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