Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
