So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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