We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
