2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
