Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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