I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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