I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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