Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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