I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
