9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We don't watch enough power rangers
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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