We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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