She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
