Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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