Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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