I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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