I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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