My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
