Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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