please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
