Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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