Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
