The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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