You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
