My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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