well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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