I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
