so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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