I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There r osticjed everywhere
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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