theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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