Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
