Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
