Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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