so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize