he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
