I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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