I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
