I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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