just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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