bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
