Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
