I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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