I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
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