Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
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i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
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you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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