I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
