A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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