Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
